It was about 2 weeks ago that we got the recommendation from our oncology team to stop all treatment and make plans to put a hospice team together. We were told that the best time to start hospice is before, we think we need it. Even though we did not understand what this meant, wisdom has shown us that sometimes it is best to do what others tell you.
It has been quite a transition for our family to move from being on a cancer journey to now being on a mom going home to Heaven journey. The first few days were a mess of emotions and thoughts: anger, fear, joy and doubts — all mixed together with lots of questions. As a family, we have been able to come together and learn from one another. We are learning that we need to grieve and mourn and we are also learning that we each mourn differently. Also, that we need to respect how everyone in our immediate family is processing this information. It has given us a greater love and appreciation for one another and patience for one another as well as we realize we are “all over the map” with our grief.
Our hospice team is a team of 5 people which we are in the process of meeting: a nurse, a social worker, a personal care worker, a chaplain and an overall case manager. Their goal is to walk alongside us these last few months as we transition from this world to the next. Thank you for your prayers for us during this tumultuous time. We are trying to take one day at a time and learn the things that we are to learn and that we would make some good memories together.
As we walk this road of sadness and mourning, there is a parallel road we are walking on at the same time. The road of joy and hidden treasures. As mentioned previously, our youngest daughter Kathryn got engaged and is planning to marry Carl Culper on October 17th in a small intimate wedding celebration. It has been such a joy to go wedding dress shopping and find “the dress”! God has been so faithful at going before Kathryn and Carl and paving the way as they look for a venue, for caterers, for a florist, and on and on. Thank you to the many friends who have chipped in and helped with these wedding details. Please continue to pray for the many wedding details.
Two special requests are:
(1) For nice weather the day of the wedding and
(2) That the USA/Canada border situation would allow entry to family and friends coming to the wedding from Canada.
A prayer request I have had for several months is that the borders would open up so I could go see my mom who is in a memory care facility just on the other side of the Canadian border. About a month ago there had been some restriction changes which allowed for minimal travel across the border. When trying to decipher the implications of the changes the outcome looked as clear as mud. I am happy to report that on Friday August 27th Patrick and I had a very emotional visit with my mom and other family members at my mom’s memory care facility. It had been 19 months that I had not been able to see my mom face to face. It was a wonderful visit and my mom was more alert that I had ever seen her previously. With her advanced Alzheimer’s my mom generally does not recognize us any longer and so often during a visit mom would just stare off in to space. Of course, we would just talk to her and tell her all about what we are doing, about family life etc. Most of the time mom would not respond at all. But during our visit seemed that mom was really tracking. She was very concerned when I was crying – that I was telling her my news of going to heaven soon. She reached out to me and was trying to console and comfort me. Mom kept silently staring at Patrick and smiling and was pointing at him as if she was trying to tell him something. She was very interactive, not with her words (as she rarely says anything any more), but with her gesticulations and her eyes. She was there and she was engaged. This was such a gift to me as it is very likely that this will be my last visit to Canada and my last time to see my mom. Thank you to all who prayed. It was a blessing and made my day.
Thank you for your love and encouragement to us. We receive notes, texts, cards, letters, flowers, meals or some other love communication almost daily. We feel very supported by you. Thank you for walking this journey with us.
Please continue to pray for: swollen feet and legs, back and stomach pain, stomach bloating, extreme nausea that comes and goes, low energy levels. Praise God for times when I feel pretty good and can putter around in the garden, get some projects done around the house, go out for an errand.
Love from our home to yours,
Debbie (with Patrick, Sarah and Kathryn)
(Update by Patrick on 9/5/21 – Debbie is having a pretty bad episode this weekend, but three days ago she wanted to get this blog out, but was unable to. )
Debbie O'Connor's Journey 
Thanks for the update. You are never far from my thoughts and prayers. I’m so thankful you could see your mom and had such a great visit.
I’m off to another island for a few days. It looks like we have the opportunity to provide guidance in the establishment of an early childhood education program in a remote area where there isn’t a school for the kids to attend. The older ones can walk to the closest village school, but it is too far for the little kids to walk. I think it also means the some of the older kids don’t go either – because they won’t have had the lower grade experience and when they are big enough to walk to the nearest school, they are too old for the lower classes. It’s a real Catch-22.
An adult literacy program in the area has had wonderful results and now the adults are keen to see something happen for the kids. It looks to be a pretty cool opportunity for us to reach kids in their own language – in which there is also Scriptures.
Off on the adventure, so I’d better finish off my packing. The ship leaves in a couple of hours.
Love,
Martha
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Thank you Martha. So glad you can still be out there on the front lines. Thank you for your service.
On Sun, Sep 5, 2021, 1:15 PM Debbie O'Connor's Journey wrote:
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We’re here for you, Patrick, Sarah and Kathryn. Today, tomorrow and after. You’re loved more than you’ll ever know. Love Jackie
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Read you always Debbie,
May God gives us the opportunity to visit you, if possible.
We will be praying for your prayer requests and we know God is, was and will be in control of everything.
You know we love you and we will always do.
Jenny and Kenia
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Debbie. So pleased to hear about your visit with your Mom! What a gift God gave you and your Mom! We are so pleased to hear how you are being taken care of and the help you are being given. How many of the 5 care givers know Jesus? I’m sure you will have a mission field there. It sounds like you are getting good guidance – isn’t it amazing how each person has their own way through this journey. We are praying that your rough day today you will find comfort in God Almighty! Love you and Patrick. Ginny and Randy
Sent from my iPhone
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Life is certainly a journey and not what we expect. Thank you taking the time and energy to write this update. We have been and will continue to pray for you. I am sorry and grieving with you and all anticipating your being in the Lord’s presence soon. With love, Gail and Millie
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Thanks for sharing your journey. Continued prayers for you. Happy that you got to see your mom.
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Debbie, I read this with joy over your testimony, but sadness over the current state of your health. I am grieving along with you and your family, especially you and Patrick who I know the best in your family. I am grateful the Lord allowed a good visit with your mom. Now I will continue to pray for you and Patrick and can add your hospice team to the list as well.
Love in our Lord and Savior, Karen Johnson
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Thank you Karen.
On Sun, Sep 5, 2021, 9:02 PM Debbie O'Connor's Journey wrote:
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DIOS, CUIDA DE TU SALUD.
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Hi Debbie,
Thanks for you keeping us informed through your journey. I am so glad you were able to visit your mom.
You have always been my real life hero!! You are an AMAZING woman of God and I am so glad that I have had the opportunity to be blessed by your life and friendship!
Love and prayers always,
Carol
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I love you my friend… I’m really really happy you got to see your mom. So happy about Kathryn’s upcoming wedding.. I love you so much. God has His reasons why He does what He does, we are not to question it, just know it is His will. You are so special to so many people. So loved! You are in my prayers every day.I will continue praying 🙏🏼, much love to you and yours my friend. Denise
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Dear Debbie, I thank you for sharing your journey, I am both smiling and tearing up as I read – what joy it is to read how you are drawing closer as a family, that you got to see your mum and that she knew you, that you are experiencing God in deeper ways, and looking toward a pain-free new body in the presence of your loving Father. Wow. What a powerful testimony to those of us getting to listen in. It has been ages since I have seen you Debbie, but I will miss you, I have such good memories of our swimming classes and popping over for this and that, and so grateful for Kathryn’s friendship with Hannah during those years. You and all the family are in our prayers. Congratulations to Kathryn and Carl – will be praying for that day too! With my love Sue.
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Thank you Sue. Lots of fond memories. God has been so faithful. He is there in the ups and in the downs. It was such a blessing to have had the opportunity to be neighbors for that very short time. I enjoy keeping up with you and your family’s adventures. Love and blessings to you all.
On Wed, Sep 8, 2021, 6:34 PM Debbie O'Connor's Journey wrote:
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